Husband & I are renewing our wedding vows, Does the date have to be the actual date of your original wedding?

A question from a reader: My husband and I are wanting to renew our vows. What I am curious is, do we have to have the actual renewal date the same day as our Original date. Here is some background as to why I am thinking of a 2nd date.

My husband and I have had a very rough marriage. We are a combined family which adds additional stress., However, our kids have come together as a family. The one thing that we have done well is bring two families together. We have five (5) kids ranging from 11 to 18. We have separated, talked about divorce, stopped talking etc. However, that has now changed and we are working hard on our marriage as we have and still do with our children.

We decided to renew our vows as a kind of “start over”. However the date is the June and coming up with money to have a nice renewal is going to be hard. The date also falls on a Thursday, which our original day was Tuesday. We would like to have a reception, as we did not have one after the first. I also never danced at my weddings. The one with my EX or with my husband. I want to celebrate our renewal with a chance to dance with my husband, my father etc., I would like to have a cake and share this with friends. We thought about having the reception the next weekend, as the Saturday after, my beautiful step-daughters are in another wedding.

When my husband and I got back together after a year and half separation, we did so in May, but it wasn’t until August when we felt comfortable.

Can a couple have two anniversary’s? I realize the original is the true recorded date, but would it be “wrong” to renew on a different date that has meaning and hold the reception right after. Or do you think holding the renewal on Thursday (the date of the original wedding) and then hold the reception a couple weeks later is more appropriate?

My personal thought is, it shouldn’t matter and celebrating two anniversary’s would be fun and romantic.

What do you think? We also want to share this with our families as we had a sort of elopement. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Also we wore jeans shorts and shirt at our original, but I have purchased a dress for the renewal. This can give you an idea as to what kind of renewal I want and my husband is completely behind me.

If I did choose a date it would be a Saturday in August or September, but that only be a couple months a way. December would be 6 months, give more time (except is very expensive due to x-mas for 5 kids. We could wait until next year, but we run into graduation.

Ok I leave it to all of you for your input,

Thank you for your in depth answer. Besides the 1 1/2 year seperation, times did not get all rosey. However, we are sure attempting to get to know each other.

I don’t wear my wedding rings, because, well it doesn’t feel right. This even may not happen, time will tell. I am not to far into the event that I will lose any money. But far enough where we can have the renewal and have it be a family reconnecting and agreeing to come together as a family.

I can’t help but wonder where you are from as I am from Missouri. I know the Missouri River spans to other states, but just curious as to where you are.

***Everyone*** There are several months and dates that mean something to both of us, choosing one is like picking winning numbers on the powerball form. I want each date to mean something, Of course legally, our original date is our official anniversary, but I don’t believe you only celebrate one. Don’t some celebrate their first date, when they became engage

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7 Responses to “Husband & I are renewing our wedding vows, Does the date have to be the actual date of your original wedding?”

  • Lovin29 says:

    No, it doesn’t have to be executed on the actual date. Sometimes, to achieve the atmosphere you want for your renewal- you have to be open to thinking outside the box.

    For the actual anniversary, get a sitter for the kids (worth the expense) dig out old albums, crack open a bottle of wine and reminisce. Simple, sweet and just what you’ll need. It will really help get both of you excited about the renewal too.

  • nam_miles says:

    Our church has a renewal of vows for married couples once a year. My wife and I participate every so often, generally when there has been some change in our life, like kids leaving home, serious illness for one of us, a new grandkid. It reaffirms that our marriage continues as a solid thread binding us together, that the circumstances at any particular time are irrelevant to the vow we made. That two are now and always one.

  • Invisigoth says:

    you can have the renewal whenever you want.

    my aunt and her husband married in the spring but when they had their renewal 20 years later they did it in the fall.

  • MissE says:

    I thin tow anniversaries is fine. There are different reasons for a different date now. Go with what your feelings are now After all you are renewing your vows to mve forward, not to look back Hence the date of moving forward may be different from the starting date (wedding)

  • Margaret says:

    The renewal date does not have to be the same as the original wedding and very often is not. Choose a date that is the most convenient. I wish you well.

  • amyhpete says:

    Okay, there’s a lot of issues here.

    1. It’s not too anniversaries because there’s nothing legal or official about this. Your anniversary is the date of your wedding and this can also be a special day, but when you have your silver anniversary it should be the 25th anniversary of your wedding date.

    2. As someone who also separated from my husband for a year and a half, I don’t think a reconciliation makes the previous time of marriage null and void and that starting over needs to be starting over. You can celebrate that you have a new husband and he has a new wife, and that it’s each other. Thank God you didn’t have to date again or anything. Just my opinion but I think two anniversaries is kind of weird, even as someone who’s been through a major separation and reconciliation.

    3. December…what if you talked to the kids about not getting them many presents to unwrap (either nothing or some little stocking stuffer things) but you all got away for some kind of “family moon” — a very fun getaway that need not be anymore expensive than getting the usual X boxes, iPods, iPhones, etc. x 5? You could either have the ceremony then the vacation or have the ceremony at a vacation spot (even a nearby one) followed by a long holiday weekend with you and the kids and any other family who wanted to be around as your family moon.

    4. Yes to your nice dress, a reception as large or small as your budget or taste allows, dancing with your dad, husband, sons, whatever, and just having a blast. Yes to a blessing in a church and having your kids stand up front with you looking great. No to a row of bridesmaids in matchy matchy dresses, having someone give you away, veil, and anything bridal that says wedding like a couple on top of the wedding cake. You can have a wonderful celebration befitting your status as a long married couple with five children between you.

    BTW: I was going to have a small, lakefront celebration with my husband in a new suit, me in a new dress, the kids looking beautiful and our pastor (in our new town where we moved right after we reconciled) and a few friends but ultimately we spent the money on a family vacation and didn’t miss the ceremony. All I’m now waiting for is the money to replace my ring, which I threw into the Missouri River during the separation. I have been wearing a series of fakey McFaker Wal Mart placeholders but it’s been three years and I hope for something real and pretty.

  • Rene says:

    I know its been awhile since this was posted but I’m very interested to hear what you decided and how everything turned out. I live in Missouri btw. My husband and I are celebrating our 9 year this year & are planning to renew our vows next year in our 10 year. Much like you & most people we’ve had alot of ups & downs & very stressful days. We’ve been through sicker, poorer, health & would like to have some richer, lol. We’ve weathered through the storm & have come out on top. Our wedding anniversary is in June and will fall on a Thursday next year, so in deciding, my husband told me to look up other people’s opinions on this. I am very happy to hear & see that it is not uncommon to have the vow renewal on a different date. Although we won’t be straying too far from our original date it just felt wierd. We would rather have the ceremony on a Saturday, as we feel more of our guests would be available. We got married at the court house & are excited to have an actual ceremony. Please share how your vow renewal turned out! I truly hope & pray it did come & turned out great!!!! Thanks!

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